When it comes to communicating with others there are a few things you need to know. I have read a handful of books involving effective communication. Honestly, I have learned more from dealing with people everyday than I did from reading a book but they are still really important to your success. I will give you some guidelines I use and that I have learned. It took me a little longer than it should have to learn these but I know you will catch on quick!
Listen More Than You Speak
I can talk someones ear off. If you ask my wife she would tell you that I can talk to anyone and about anything. This is still my worst downfall when I am talking to people. You hear the saying “you have two ears and one mouth for a reason, listen twice as much as you talk.” The reason you want to apply this as soon as possible is because people want to know they are important. When you are talking about yourself the whole time most people feel like you do not care about them.
This is a crucial piece to communication. There are so many books on communication that refer to complimenting other people. First off this makes people feel good about themselves. One of the first thing I do when I engage in conversation is compliment them. I may say, “hey, I really like your taste in clothes” or “hi, I just wanted to let you know you have the coolest (item of clothing or accessory) I have ever seen.” There are so many compliments you can give to someone, you just need to pay attention. This will also be a great way to develop long term friendships and relationships. The only catch to this is to always be authentic.
I am not telling you to stare people down during your conversation. I am simply saying you need to maintain eye contact on their eyes. The second someone thinks you are looking at something on them they will feel insecure or freaked out. This is huge especially if you are talking to a business prospect or even just trying to meet new people. Here is an example: I am balding and I constantly see people look up at my hair. This does not bug me because I am used to it by now. What if it was the other way around though? Would the other person ever talk to me again? They might but I can tell you this: they will have a harder time creating a relationship or friendship at that point.
Maintain Good Posture
When you are speaking with someone maintain the best posture you can. This will avoid any judging that may happen. Keeping your back straight and your shoulders back will not hurt. It will also show that you are good at non verbal communication such as body language. When you have good body language you will be able to lower peoples guards quicker. It wouldn’t be a bad thing if you learned to read others body language. Obviously try to keep your eyes on their eyes but use your peripheral vision for this.
Lets face it, a frown has never attracted anyone before and I don’t believe it will start to anytime soon! Keep a smile on your face throughout the conversation. If you think they are trying to make a joke laugh and smile. A personal tip from me to you about smiling would be to brush your teeth and make sure your breath is good! There is nothing worse than talking with someone who has bad hygiene.
Limit Physical Touch
When you are trying to create a new friend the worst thing you can do is make them feel uncomfortable. I will tell you the easiest way to do that is to touch a person you barely know on the arm or shoulder a bunch. Keep your physical side tame until you develop a better friendship. You could be like me and eliminate it from your conversations entirely.
People like feeling important. You now know the secret to influencing others and how to create followers in life. Conversations are so plain nowadays and the only way to have a beneficial one is to honestly care about that person. Since you are in control of the conversation you will be able to steer it how you see fit. Ask deeper questions about things you hear. The more you show that you care about what they are saying the more important they will feel in that conversation.
This is a simple and straight forward tip but keep yourself clean and well dressed. You do not have to wear an expensive suit or dress to be approachable. All you need to do is look clean and wear nice fitting cloths. When you start doing this you will notice the difference. When you dress the part, you feel the part.
When I was early on in my success journey I struggled with how I was conversing with others. I did not understand the importance or eliminating lingo and filler words from my vocabulary. I want you to understand that you will not be able to correct this right away. It comes with time and practice and awareness. The importance of this tip is that it will help you connect with people on a higher level.
Avoid The Awkward Goodbye
Have you ever gotten stuck in a conversation right before you had to leave for a scheduled event? Or maybe you knew the conversation was taking to long and you wanted to get running? Well I have a really simply way to help you avoid the awkward endings: “Bob (always use their name), it was great to meet you and I could speak with you all night if I could! I have to get running but I appreciate you spending the time to speak with me today!” You do not have to use mine verbatim but this will help you so much in the long run.
If you are dedicated to getting better I recommend that you follow these guidelines in all of your future conversations. I was not perfect at this either but when I started to focus on each element, I started to see results. If you are currently struggling with your communication skills I recommend reading a few books on top of following these guidelines. The only limit to self development is “YOU” and you will decide whether to follow them or not.
I would love to get your feedback, so leave a comment below. I am always available to help! I hope this helps you in your journey to success.
-The Inspiration Mentor